Everyone gets meatloaf (spam from friends and family) that consists of jokes embedded in a hundred e-mail enclosures because AOL still doesn’t get how to forward a message. Sometimes, though, some meatloaf has some worth and today I got one that really made me chuckle (CIMS: Chuckle In My Seat.) There was another one that read “Forgive Your Enemies – It Messes with Their Heads” that got an LOL.

Anyway, thought this was somewhat on topic and it cracked me up so I thought I’d share the love.

In celebration of my birthday today, I thought I’d present you with this joke. I figure as I’m approaching 40 more and more than ever, this would be fitting, because to me, it really is a joke that I’m almost 40. I can still remember freaking out about hitting 30. Boy, would I love to have that back…but then again, I’ll be saying the same thing about 40 when I hit 50, too.

Anyway, yes, you could say “I’m” the butt of this joke here, but I’ve always said, if you can’t make fun of yourself, then you’re not funny. Enjoy.

Sven and Ole worked together in a Minnesota factory and both were laid off… Sooo…dey went to the Unemployment Office togedder.

Asked his occupation, Ole said, “Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto da ladies cotton panties.”

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave Ole $300 a week in unemployment compensation.

Sven, when asked his occupation replied, “Diesel Fitter”. The clerk looked up Diesel Fitter and it was classified as a skilled job. So, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week in unemployment compensation.

When Ole found this out, he was furious! He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his benefits.

The clerk explained, “Panty Stitchers are unskilled labor and Diesel Fitters are ski! lled la bor.”

“Vat skill? yelled Ole. “I sew da elastic on da panties. Sven puts dem over his head and says, “Yah,…………… DIESEL FITTER”.

Sometimes, all we need to make our tears go away (or make them start running) is a good, hearty laugh. Comedian Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling has released a new line of simply hilarious electronic joke products, through Excalibur Electronics. You are sure to get a kick out of this comedian’s new toys. Supposedly “A laugh a day keeps the doctor away” and The Joke Man is sure to keep you nice and healthy with his new laugh tools.

First up is the GrossMaster. This machine is designed for pretty much any age and provides hours of gross fun for everyone. It features over 50 of G-rated gross kid jokes, songs, and of course, who could ever forget, sound effects. Hit the nose to start the fun, if you want a joke repeated hit the right eye, hit the left eye to continue with the gross out fun. GrossMaster can be purchased at the Discover Channel Store for $19.95.

Also available is the Mini JokeMaster Jr. This is the pocket version of the original, designed with the 4-12 age group in mind. This little guy has 45 jokes, knock-knocks, riddles, you name it. It’s nose will light up when it spits out a new joke and if you like it enough, you can repeat it with the repeat button. Also included is adjustable volume and an off/on switch that can help preserve your battery. The Mini comes in either blue for little guys, or pink for little girls and can be purchased at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for about $9.95. The original JokeMaster Jr. (not the mini) is basically the full size version, designed for ages 6-12. It has a little higher price tag at $24.95.

I personally have never been a huge fan of math. Jackie has realized that this is true for some people, so he has now released the Talking Comedy Calculator. It is your everyday desktop calculator, but hit a button and the jokes start coming. Keep your favorite of the nearly 200 jokes on this device handy by saving them. It also includes a built in alarm clock with time and date display. I know some people that would never get their math homework done if they had one of these to play with. The current price for this baby is $29.95.

With over 1200 jokes, the JokeMaster Jr. 2 will provide you with many many laughs guaranteed. It is a handheld device with over 30 categories of jokes ranging from lawyers to rednecks, one-liners to kids-at-heart jokes, and many more. Another neat feature is the ability to rate the jokes based on you and your freinds’ reactions. It comes with a carrying case to help keep it protected and the going price is $29.95.

So if you want some laughs or are looking for a good birthday present, check out Jackie “The Joke Man’s” new products, it may be just what you needed.

Geeks aren’t like other men and many women have figured that out. I’ve been accused of having a mistress by my wife half jokingly and that mistress was my Mac. Hey, us guys just love our cell phones, PDAs, iPods, Bluetooth, Macs, and to add a touch of tough-man into the mix, our USB Swiss Army Knife (with LED flash light of course). What can I say?

But there is a way to get our attention and these two girls have figured it out with three steps. Watch this fairly comical home made video on How To Get a Guy in Silicon Valley.

When I grew up as a kid — not dating myself here — Tonka trucks where made of metal and bathed in a healthy coat of lead based paints. Yellow paint. Today, you find cheap plastic, flimsy parts, and horrible sticker placement. But it doesn’t even stop there, apparently. Nope.

Not even a month after the opening of my sons Tonka fire truck from his Uncle and Tia, the batteries died with moderate play time. When I flipped over the truck to surgically remove its belly to gain access to the battery compartment, I was stunned to see AA batteries within its haul instead of the C cells specified by the cover! Using some cheesy plastic holders to keep the AA’s centered on the terminals, Hasbro deemed it necessary to save a few cents (maybe a buck,) with the lesser capacity battery than going with it’s recommendations. Incredible.

You know, I don’t mind purchasing products made in China to save a dime or two, but doing something like this doesn’t save me money in the end. It saves Hasbro. That’s weak. Bring back my Tonka, Hasbro!

Again, when SvenOnTech is on the job, what ever happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas very long. Point in case, Kiss co-founder Gene Simmons walking the Central Hall checking out all the stuff he could afford. And I mean all.

So here I am walking through the hall and this guy with cameras in front of him is in ahead of me. Sure, I’ll tag along with him since he’s clearing the path. Why not? It’s tough walking all these miles of halls with the tons of people here. When I catch up to this guy and walk to his left, I take a peak at him and I don’t recognize him. ‘Who is this guy and what’s the big deal?’ I’m asking myself as I cruise on with him. Finally, I hear someone yell, “You rock, Gene!” I look again and yes the light bulb comes on, Gene Simmons. It’s hard to recognize the guy without make up.

So I tag along for awhile and share some camera time with him (hopefully ). We come to a split and he makes a right while I go left. I see him down the way when I pop out next to LG’s 102″ plasma TV. I figure, ‘Ahh, I should probably get a picture,’ and I walk back to LG’s booth front desk. When I got there, he was talking to the lady at the booth and the guy next to her. Not able to hear much of what he’s saying, I get closer. I then hear him tell the guy, “If you want to kiss her, you’ve got to look straight in here eyes,” as he points his two fingers in a V shape and directs them to her eyes. With that, he stares into her gaze and leans her back as if to kiss her. She giggles like a high school girl about to be kissed by Bobby the quarterback for the first time. Simmons then stops, reels back up and turns to the guy and says, “That’s how you do it,” to a chorus of laughter. Only in Vegas, right?

You’ll never know what you’ll see in Vegas. But untrue to the cities slogan, we won’t let this stay here (even though we now look back at this and think maybe that was the better idea) and we bring to you the Sansa mascot for your enjoyment. Watch him dance it up for all y’all and note his hand signals when we ask him to bust a real move and do some head spinning like the guys did for us at the JBL booth at Macworld. I tell you Sansa, how rude!

Don’t worry about if CES steals attendance from Macworld this year due to both happening on the same week or not. Nah, let’s get down to the true meat of the two competing shows and vote whom really is hot or not.

You select which picture, representing CES or Macworld, is truly hot…or not. Waste tons of time just clicking on the pictures as you would on that other site that started this crazy, and sometimes cruel, voting pattern of pure opinion. Will the ultra-cool consumer geeks be hot or will it be the uber-hip different thinking bunch? Your opinion can be the deciding factor!

Thanks Matthew for the tip!

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender. Read the rest of this entry »

Ya, ya, we know this is old news, but we thought for the iPod birthday, why not bring it back? I mean it really is good humor and Will Ferrel is just too nutty not to have you witness him tell you how the iPod plays about 50 songs only.

Give the Switch parody a look over at YouTube and enjoy iPods birthday with Will (in a way.)